procellous
by Brown Eyes Parker
Summary: Lisbon honored Jane's wish, and he wakes up a year later only to remember everything from his past. Will he be able to find his place in the CBI again? Will he and Lisbon go back to normal? Post-Fugue in Red. Contain spoilers, eventual Jane/Lisbon. Fin.
1. procellous

**procellous**

**A Jane/Lisbon Story**

**By Brown Eyes Parker**

**Summary:**

**What if Lisbon had honored Jane's wish to just let him be happy, and she hadn't taken him to his home in Malibu? What if he woke up one year later with all his memories intact? Post-Fugue in Red.**

**Warnings:**

**Spoilers for 4x10, Fugue in Red, don't read this if you haven't seen it yet.**

**Prologue:**

_I hear you're living out of state_

_Running in a whole new scene_

_You know I haven't slept in weeks_

_You're the only thing I see_

_I'm a satellite heart_

_Lost in the dark_

_I'm spun out so far_

_You stop, I start_

_But I'll true to you_

**Satellite Heart, Anya Marina_**

**Procellous **_**(proh-SEL-uhs)**_**: Stormy, as the sea**

He woke up in a strange bedroom with a splitting headache and now recollection of how he had gotten there. There was a woman, blonde, curvy and beautiful, curled up beside him. He vaguely remembered picking her up at a bar the night before. She had said that her name was Allegra, she had been all looks and no depth.

None of this mattered though, all he could think about was his vivid dreams from the night before. Dreams about bloody smiley faces and the mangled, unrecognizable bodies of people that he had once claimed as family. Dreams of a pretty brunette with kind, emerald green eyes, she had had faith in him once upon a time. . . and they had been best friends.

A wave of nausea hit him as he realized that these images weren't dreams at all, they were a very real part of his life. But for some reason he had forgotten about them, he had forgotten about them for a long time. He bit back an anguished cry before he leaned over the side of the bed and vomited violently.

The retching sound woke Allegra up. "Did you just _throw up_? This carpet is _brand-new_!"

"Sorry," he croaked as he rolled out the bed . "Will you do me a huge favor and call the CBI? Ask for Teresa Lisbon, have her come here if you need to. . . but just get her for me!"

With these final words, he fled to the room attached to the master suite. He knew it was the bathroom because he had used it the night before.

A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door and Allegra stepped in, eyeing him disdainfully. "Here . . this Teresa Lisbon person wants to talk to you."

"Lisbon?" He breathed into the phone. "Yes I remember, I remember everything. . . please come and see me. No, I don't know where I am. . . I just need you, please come as soon as you can."

**TBC. . .**

**Author's Note:**

**I got this idea from a Twitter conversation I had with moon0xgyn. We both think that Lisbon did the right thing by taking Jane to his home in Malibu; we think he'd be more devastated if he woke up a year later and realized that he had lost EVERYTHING! I just wanted to explore what could have happened if Lisbon had honored Jane's wishes to let him be happy. Tell me what you think; I'll post more after I finish "A Boyfriend for Christmas" because this story is still a work in progress and I'm not really good at balancing posting two things at the same time. I just wanted to get what I had written posted while it's still relevant.**

**Love,**

**Holly December 17, 2011_**

**P.S**

**If you could remember to keep friends of mine in your thoughts and prayers, it would really be appreciated. They just lost their father last night, and its eight days until Christmas.**


	2. Save You

**Warnings:**

**Spoilers for 4x10, Fugue in Red, don't read this if you haven't seen it yet.**

**Shout-outs: ****I just wanted to thank everybody who received this story SO well. Those people are, ShellGrad, lilyhermionepotter17, Teresa Janes, reig, Miss Donnie, VeSiHer, SteelSimz, klcarr892, In the Name, Just Mosie, and Country2776**

**Author's Note:**

**Hi everybody! ****Sorry for the long wait for an update, I usually like to have my stories finished before I actually post them. So, I was writing this and wrapping up my Christmas story at the same time. Hope you guys are still out there, and you remember this little fic. I'm warning you now though, it's a complicated story. **

**.**

**Chapter 1**

_**We can pretend nothing's changed**_

_**Pretend it's all the same**_

_**And there will be no pain tonight**_

_**It's gonna be alright**_

_**It's gonna be alright**_

_**Save you**_

_**I wish I could say to you "I'm not going nowhere"**_

_**I wish I could say to you "it's gonna be alright"**_

**Save You, Kelly Clarkson_**

"Jane?" Teresa Lisbon whispered, touching his bare shoulder gently.

"Lisbon, is that you?" He asked, looking up at her. She looked sadder than he remembered her.

"I'm here, I'm here," she said soothingly, she bent down beside him and ran her hand down his arm.

"I called you yesterday, I didn't think you were coming. . ."

"It took me a while to get here," Lisbon replied. "You don't live in California anymore."

Jane furrowed his brows in confusion. "I-I don't? What happened to me?"

Lisbon glanced towards the door, the blonde woman who had let her in was staring them disapprovingly as she tapped her long, magenta nails against her arm. She looked at Jane again and pulled him to his feet, taking in his half-dressed appearance.

"Tell you what, you go get dressed, and we'll go somewhere that we can talk privately."

Jane nodded his agreement and followed her out to the bedroom. She gathered up his clothes and handed them over to him. He disappeared back into the bathroom, leaving Lisbon alone with Allegra.

"You can tell Mr. Jane that I never want to see him again," Allegra said.

"I'm sure the feeling is mutual," Lisbon snipped.

Her eyes lit up. "You're _jealous_!"

"_What_!" Lisbon's eyes widened, this wasn't the time or place for a discussion like this. And it annoyed her that a woman she didn't know was making assumptions about her. "I haven't seen the man in a year!"

"We didn't sleep together. . . this stupid song came on the radio and he started to freak out. He said stuff like he couldn't sleep with me while this particular song was playing. It was his special song with some nameless woman."

Lisbon rolled her eyes, she wasn't in any mood to sit around chatting and make false niceties with this bimbo. She was fighting the urge to say something along these lines when Jane returned.

She instantly softened. "Are you ready to go?"

Jane hesitated. "Are _you_ ready?"

"Come on," Lisbon said leading him out of the bedroom without looking at Allegra again. "Do you have a car?"

"Do I?"

"It's okay, I brought my car," Lisbon said. "I've been taking care of your Citroen for you while you've been gone."

"Lisbon, please, I'm not in the mood for small-talk. I need to know everything that's happened in the past year. Could you possibly tell me?"

"I-I lost track of you about ten months ago," Lisbon answered quietly as she ducked her head and tried to unlock the door.

"So, we're not frien- partners anymore?" Jane asked as he tried to conceal his disappointment, his stomach rolling in protest.

"You decided you didn't want to do police work anymore," Lisbon hesitated before adding. "You left the CBI and walk away from me- our friendship in the process."

"You must hate me."

Lisbon's stomach dropped. This wasn't the Jane she knew, the Jane she had been friends with. He might have gotten his memory back, but _he_ still wasn't there.

"Lisbon, do you hate me?" Jane asked again.

"No," Lisbon answered. "No, I don't hate you."

"Because I'm sorry that I hurt you."

Lisbon gave up struggling with her car door and went around to the passenger side to look at him. "I don't hate you. I just. . . I just missed you this past year."

Jane swallowed hard, his heart slamming against his chest. He hadn't thought about her in over 365 days, but he realized in that moment, he had missed her too. He was just about to tell her this when she left his side saying something about a long drive back to California.

The ride back was charged with uncomfortable silence. Lisbon had a thousand things she wanted to say to Jane, but she didn't know how to say them. So, she filled the quiet spaces with mindless pop songs and faked a conversation with him in her head while he pretended to nap.

Finally it got late and Lisbon was still too far away from Sacramento to continue driving. So she found a hotel and checked them in for the night.

**.**

"Stay," Jane said when they had finished their dinner of takeout pizza.

Lisbon blinked twice. "But Jane, I paid for two rooms. I just can't stay, it would be a waste of money—"

"Please," Jane uncharacteristically begged. "I'll reimburse you for your room. I just don't want to be alone tonight. I feel like I've been alone for so long. . ."

Lisbon hesitated, feeling completely powerless with Jane sitting next to her, looking hopelessly lost. And that's why she found herself agreeing to his request.

**.**

"Lisbon?" Jane asked after they had gotten ready for the night.

"Yeah Jane?" She replied, leaning over to turn out the light.

"I need to know something, and I need you to be completely honest with me."

"I'll try," Lisbon promised.

"I need you to tell me what happened with Red John," Jane said slowly. "Is he still around. . . or—?"

Lisbon's laughter sounded hollow even to her own ears. "I think you would know if we caught Red John. It might have triggered your memories before now—"

"But that's just it, I _don't_ know! I don't know _anything_!"

"We'll talk about it later Jane," Lisbon said abruptly. "Goodnight Jane."

"Lisbon. . . _please_—"

"Goodnight," she repeated, pretending to fall asleep quickly even though she knew that she'd be awake for a greater part of the night, trying to find exactly the right way to tell him the truth.

**TBC. . .**

**.**

**Author's Note II:**

**Mean cliff-hanger, I'm sorry. But I wanted to pack a punch, I guess. I feel like this story is about to totally deviate from the original plot. Leave your thoughts on the way out please; I love feedback of (almost) all kinds. If you're going to flame, make sure it's constructive criticism and nothing against me or my story.**

**Love,**

**Holly, 12/20/11_**

**P.S**

**Yes, I know the date says 12/20/11, that's when this chapter was written, or should I say "completed". Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter and again, I'm sorry that it's taken a while for the update. I just finished the story today. . . it's only six chapters, so I should be finished posting this at the end of the month. But I'm off, I have a new story to work on and four Valentine's Day one-shots (Jisbon-centric) that need to be tweaked with and actually brought into fruition before February. **

**Until Chapter 2.**

**Holly, 1/13/12_ **


	3. This Isn't Everything You Are

**Shout-Outs:**

**reig, tafkap, LittleMender, Leighannamarie, AngryLittlePrincess, lolly2222, ShellGrad, & LizfromItaly. . . thanks for the reviews. Always appreciated.**

**Warnings:**

**Spoilers for 4x10, Fugue in Red, don't read this if you haven't seen it yet. If you want to listen to "This Isn't Everything You Are" there's one f-word. I don't use language like that, and I typically don't listen to songs with those kinds of words. This song is the exception though. All the lyrics fit Lisbon in this story perfectly! But just a warning for the kiddies, there's an f-word and the official music video is kind of sketchy.**

**Chapter 2**

_**You can't find the phone, so you can call it off  
>But it might be for the best<br>You can't walk away, anyway  
>Cause you've nowhere else to go<br>Is he worth all this, is it a simple yes?  
>Cause if you have to think, it's (explicit)<br>Feels like you loved him more, than he loved you  
>And you wish you'd never met<strong>_

**_Don't keel over now_**  
><strong><em>Don't keel over<em>**  
><strong><em>Don't keel over now<em>**  
><strong><em>Don't keel over<em>**

**This isn't Everything You Are, Snow Patrol_**

"Tell me what happened to Red John," Jane said as they ate breakfast in the hotel lobby the next morning.

Lisbon took a deep breath and mushed her leftover blueberry muffin under her plastic fork. It was now or never, she couldn't avoid the subject forever.

"Jane, I think this is one of the most difficult things I'm ever going to tell you," she began, avoiding his eyes.

What little color Jane had left drained from his face. "You said so yourself, I would have heard something. . . it might have triggered my memories. Unless—"

"You were out of the country at that point," Lisbon answered. "It was in the early stages of your absence."

"Why? Why did you kill him, why did you take him away from me?"

Lisbon cringed at the hard edge in his voice. "I didn't take anything away from you! _You left!_ Red John was-he was going to kill me."

Jane felt physically ill, it was the kind of feeling that you had after being doused with cold water. He remembered that he had promised to always save her, he had failed miserably at the task.

"Lisbon, I'm-I'm so sorry."

"No harm, no foul. I'm still here," Lisbon said, pushing her plate away. "Cho took the shot, and now Red John's gone."

"Cho's okay though?"

Lisbon nodded. "Red John never wanted Cho. He wanted me because he thought it would bring you to him. I didn't tell him you weren't around."

"Why'd you let me go?" Jane asked.

"Because you asked and. . ." Lisbon trailed off, shrugging slightly. "Are you ready to go?"

Jane shrugged as well. "Sure."

Lisbon gathered up their trash and refrained from asking Jane if he was angry at her. If he _was_ angry, she didn't want to know about it.

They didn't talk on the drive back. Both of them were lost in their own thoughts, both of them were afraid that they might say the wrong thing.

Lisbon thought that Jane's silence stemmed from his displeasure with her. She hadn't done a thing to make him stay at the CBI, and then she had (inadvertently) taken Red John from him.

Her hand hovered over the radio dial, ready to turn the music on and drown out the quiet like she had done the day before. But she couldn't bring herself to do it this time. Silence was going to be her self-inflicted punishment, even if killed her in the process.

**.**

"Do you have somewhere particular that you'd like to go?" Lisbon asked when they finally reached Sacramento a few hours later.

"I don't think I have anywhere to go," he answered dryly, still avoiding her eyes.

"Jane—"

"No Lisbon, don't say anything!" He interjected. "I'm not in the mood to talk right now."

"I was just going to say that we never filled your position at the CBI," Lisbon said. "So, you have a job waiting for you. And you could always stay with me, if you needed to. I have plenty of room."

Jane hesitated for a second, tempted to take her up on her offer. But he couldn't, he needed time to think and thinking would be difficult with her as a distraction.

"I appreciate the offer Lisbon, but I can't. Just drop me off at a hotel somewhere, would you?"

"Are you _sure_?" She asked.

Jane nodded. "I just need some time alone."

He could tell that Lisbon wanted to say something – to fight him on his request, maybe – but she refrained from doing so and pulled into the first nice hotel parking lot that she could find.

Jane paused before getting out of the car and offered her a smile. "Thank you for coming to get me."

"It was no problem," Lisbon replied, trying to return his smile. "Will I see you later?"

He didn't. . . _couldn't_ reply. He had never felt this overwhelmed before, and for once in his life he didn't know what to do. So, he smiled again and slipped out of the car. He knew the next thing he said would probably hurt her, and it killed him to say it. But the phrase had so many implications, and it was all he could think of to say in the moment.

"Goodbye Lisbon."

**.**

She was shocked. They'd just been reunited, and he was leaving again. Her cell phone started to ring, but she ignored it. She knew it was Cho checking in, he had agreed to cover for her so she could drop everything and get to Jane.

Cho would understand if she didn't pick up. Like Jane, she needed time to think, needed to get used to the idea that Jane might leave for thousands of 365 days.

She had already lived without him for one round 365 days. . . she could surely survive without him for many more days just like it. But the reality of the situation was that she'd fallen in love with him. She didn't know when or how it had happened, but she had fallen. And even in his absence she hadn't been able to quell her feelings for him. Instead they had grown until she was sure that she'd suffocate from the sheer intensity of them.

Words couldn't describe the relief she had felt when she'd gotten the call from Allegra saying that Jane was looking for her. And she'd gone to him with her eyes open, knowing full well that the news about Red John could damage their relationship forever. But damaging their relationship hadn't mattered two days ago, because he had needed her. And she _always_ went to him when he needed her.

There was a knock on her car window, jerked her from her thoughts and she realized that she was still in the hotel parking lot.

"I was just leaving!" She yelled, her voice cracking slightly. She cursed herself for crying.

The sympathetic hotel employ moved out of her way, and Lisbon pulled out as fast as she could. She didn't want to embarrass herself any further. True, she would probably never see this person again, but she was certain that she'd be the subject of hotel gossip by the end of the day.

She drove on auto-pilot, thinking about going home the whole time. If she showed up at work then Van Pelt would start bugging her immediately. The younger agent was always able to sense when something was wrong.

Especially when that something had to do with Patrick Jane.

Her phone rang again, and she answered it this time.

"Hey Cho. Yes, I did get Jane. He'll be fine." Lisbon paused before adding, "I'll be fine too. No, I'm just going to go home. It's been a long couple of days. I'll see you tomorrow then. 'Bye."

When she got back to her apartment, she turned on her favorite classical music, ran a bath and poured herself a small glass of wine. It wasn't until she had submerged herself in bubbles while _Nessun Dorma _played in the background that she really allowed herself to cry.

Tears were an indulgence she hadn't allowed herself in the 365 days that Jane had been away, but she was drained emotionally and physically. And she needed a release, especially if she was going to be strong and face the next few weeks that were stretching out ominously in front of her.

**TBC. . .**

**Author's Note:**

**Any thoughts? Press the little box below, I'd love to hear your feedback. I'm still not sure about this story, it was written while I was mourning the death of two very dear friends. Because of it, I kind of poured my emotions into Jane and into Lisbon. So, if this story seems confused in anyway, you know why now. **

**I know I'm posting two days in a row. But it's all written, so why not? **

**Next chapter should be up soon. It is already written, and it has a heavy dose of Jane/Lisbon. Plus some more secrets are revealed. Stay tuned! **

**Love,**

**Holly 1/14/2012_**


	4. Quiet Times

**Disclaimer: ****I seem to always forget this; I just assume you guys know that I don't own anything. Not the song, and not Jane/Lisbon or the Mentalist. If I owned the Mentalist, I would have picked up where "Fugue in Red" left off, maybe. Or I would have picked up with the morning after, and we would have found out Jane and Lisbon had slept together (slept together in the literal sense of the word), and that would have been the cause of some of the tension. **

**But I digress.**

**Shout-Outs: ****xJadeweapon, Loes-chan, ShellGrad, Fangirl4everithing, lysjelonken, AngryLittlePrincess, & Just Mosie, thanks guys for reviewing the last chapter. I appreciate it tons.**

**.**

**Chapter 3**

_**Now I miss you**_

_**Now I want you**_

_**You're not coming back**_

_**And I need you**_

_**But I can't have you, even when you're here**_

**Quiet Times, Dido_**

"Where's Jane?"

Lisbon swore if she heard that question one more time, she was going to scream. The whole building knew that she she'd gone to get him and this fact had people from every unit in the CBI asking where he was.

The rumor mill was going crazy.

"Where's Jane?"

Lisbon's eyes met those of Luther Wainwright's. "Jane has some things he needs to work out."

"You didn't tell him about Red John, did you?"

"Sir, in my defense, it's pretty hard to keep a secret from Jane," Lisbon answered. "He practically sees right through me!"

Wainwright looked contemplative. "Maybe you should go and talk to him. He always listens to you."

"With all due respect Sir, Jane _does not_ listen to me," Lisbon said. "And frankly, I don't think he wants to see me."

"I'm ordering you to go and see him. I know if anyone can help him, it's you."

Lisbon opened her mouth to reply, and then closed it again. Orders were orders, even if she didn't like them all that much. So, she stood and followed the director out of his office, trying not to drag her feet on her way to the elevator.

"Where do you think she's going this time?" Rigsby asked. "She must be going to see Jane again—"

"How do you know that? You _don't_ know that!" Cho replied.

The elevator doors closed before she could hear the rest of his comment. Lisbon sighed and rested her head on the elevator wall, wishing that circumstances were different.

She sat in the CBI parking lot for a good ten minutes before she finally inserted her key into the ignition and started the car. It was another five minutes before she started driving, contemplating if she'd lose her job for not following Wainwright's seemingly simple order. But then again, she wasn't a fearful woman. So, taking a deep breath for courage, she pulled out of the CBI parking lot.

The drive to Jane's hotel seemed to take forever. And with every mile she drove, Lisbon dreaded seeing Jane more and more. She was certain that he was angry with her, and she was even more certain that he'd have no qualms in showing her just how angry he was.

So, it was with much trepidation that she knocked on Jane's hotel door.

"Lisbon. . . what are you doing here?" He asked when he had finally opened it.

There wasn't any anger in his face, just a look of curiosity and sleepy eyes that attested to a night with little or no rest.

"Can I come in?" Lisbon asked. "I think we should talk."

"I have nothing to say."

_That makes two of us_, Lisbon thought. But she didn't voice this to Jane, instead she just smiled and shrugged her shoulders slightly.

"We can sit together in silence then," she touched him gently. "Jane. . . _please_."

Jane's eyes found her hand on his arm, she watched him swallow softly before he stepped aside and granted her access to his room. He closed the door and turned to look at her.

"What are you doing here?" He repeated, sighing wearily.

"I-I-I was sent here," Lisbon answered truthfully, her eyes roved around the room and landed on the dual coffeemaker. "How about I make you some tea?"

Jane shrugged as if to say that he didn't care either way and followed her into the interior of the room.

"Who sent you?"

Lisbon fumbled with the coffee pot. "Wainwright asked me to come and talk to you."

Jane took the pot from her. "Just sit down and relax, I'll make some coffee for _you_. You seem really tense Lisbon."

Lisbon collapsed on the unmade bed and stared at him. It was almost like old times again, it was like he had never gone away. She sighed heavily and closed her eyes, wishing for moment that it was true.

"Why did Wainwright think we needed to talk?" Jane asked as he handed Lisbon her coffee a few minutes later.

Lisbon took a long sip of her coffee, ignoring the way it burned her tongue and the back of her throat. She took another sip, needing to buy herself some more time before answering his question. When she raised the cup to her lips for a third drink, he grabbed her wrist.

"Lisbon. . . _why_ does Wainwright think we need to talk?"

She opened her mouth to answer, and then closed it again, shaking her head. "Orders or no orders, I-I _can't_ do this! I-I have to go, we'll talk later!"

She jumped up and bolted for the door, Jane close at her heels, pulling her to a stop.

"It's Red John, isn't it?"

Lisbon's breath hitched at the intensity in his eyes and the forcefulness of his question. She averted his gaze and barely nodded.

He loosened his grip on her and put some distance between them. "There's really nothing to say. Red John's gone—"

"And you're angry about that, I understand."

"I'm a little upset," Jane answered. "But it's—"

Lisbon sighed. "I have to go, try and get some sleep tonight. Okay Jane?"

"Wait! Why don't you stay?" Jane asked. "You said we were still going to be friends."

"The continuation of our. . ." Lisbon trailed off, searching for the right word. ". . . partnership, is entirely up to you. I need to go Jane, I have work."

He caught her by the wrist and looked at her anxiously. "But you'll come back?"

"Tell you what," Lisbon said, weighing each of her next words carefully. "I hate the idea of staying in a small hotel room. Why don't you come to my apartment after work?"

"But my car. . . I have no idea how I'm going to get there."

"I'll have Rigsby and Cho drop your Citroen off. No arguments Jane, just say yes."

"Yes," Jane answered with a sigh. He brushed her pulse with a finger. "I'll be there."

"Good!" Lisbon pulled away. "And I'll have dinner waiting."

"Do you still live in the same apartment as before?"

"Yes," Lisbon answered. "I'll see you later."

As she walked away, she was acutely aware that he was watching her go. She wondered what was going on in his head and why he wasn't angry with her. He should have been furious, and yet he was touching her and trying to get her to stay with him.

It kind of scared her, because he still wasn't the same person he was before the accident.

**.**

When she opened the door for him that night, he was met by the smell of homemade pasta sauce and the sounds of _Ella Fitzgerald _crooning from her speakers. Lisbon looked beautiful barefoot, with an uncertain smile on her face, her hair pulled into a messy bun, and a smear of tomato sauce above her right eyebrow.

His heart constricted and he couldn't believe that he hadn't thought about or missed this woman in all the days that he had been away.

"Are you going to come in?" She asked. "Or are you going to stare at me from my threshold all night?"

Jane smiled weakly and followed her into the apartment. "Thanks for forcing me to come over tonight."

"No problem." Lisbon twisted the towel she was holding and offered him a weak smile of her own. "Dinner's almost ready, could I get you anything to drink? Tea? Wine? I bought a bottle of red especially for tonight."

"I'll have whatever you're having," Jane answered.

There was a moment of awkward silence, then Lisbon scurried off to get their drinks and finish making dinner.

Jane waited a second before following her into the kitchen. He didn't understand the sudden need to be near her constantly. He had always liked being around her, but not the point of being creepy.

She turned to look at him when he entered the kitchen, a pot of pasta in her hand. "Would you mind terribly if I asked you to slice a tomato for the salad?"

"Of course not," he answered, thankful for a task to do. "Direct me to a cutting board and a knife."

Lisbon pointed to the counter where everything he needed was already laid out. She dumped the pasta into a colander and rinsed it with warm water before disappearing back into the living room for a moment. The music got louder, and she returned wearing a small smile on her face as she mouthed the words to the song playing.

She stopped and looked at him. "I hope you're hungry. I don't make homemade meals just for anybody, you know."

Jane shrugged. "I never really thought about it."

Lisbon snorted. "Well, that's a first."

Jane didn't comment. He finished cutting the tomato up and she pulled the salad out of the fridge, adding the vegetable to it.

"Come on," Lisbon said with an easy smile. "Dinner's ready now."

He didn't realize how hungry he actually was until he had polished two bowls of pasta and sauce off. When he was finished, he watched Lisbon eat her first helping, trying to think of something (anything) to fill in the silence. Silence that he knew was probably his fault.

When he couldn't find anything to say, he decided to just sit back and watch Lisbon while her Jazz music played in the background.

When she was finished with her meal, he helped her clean the kitchen up. She had shut the music off, so they fell into meaningless small talk. Jane wished he could read Lisbon, but he'd been so off his game since he had regained his memories.

Finally, it was (what Lisbon deemed as) bedtime. But Jane couldn't sleep, so he went to her bookshelf to find some light reading that would hopefully lull him to sleep or keep him occupied for the night.

And that's when he found it.

A binder with his name scrawled on it in black, permanent marker. He hand hovered over it as he hesitated for a second before pulling it off the shelf and bringing it with him back to the couch. He opened the cover slowly, his pulse quickening by his discovery.

Lisbon had kept a record of everything he'd done over the past year. There were records of dinners that he had eaten, trips he had taken out of the country, and expensive purchases he had made. She had kept records of the people he had conned, and the women he had picked up. There were even small notes about the handful of good deeds that he had done. At the end of the book there was a stack of envelopes wrapped up with an elastic band. Every one of the envelopes was addressed to him.

His stomach clenched and he slammed the binder shut. She had lied to him. . . she had said that she'd lost track of him a couple months after he had left the CBI. Clearly that wasn't the case, if the envelope of receipts to a PI she had hired was anything to go by, she had kept a very close eye on him.

"Jane?"

"Lisbon. . . I thought you were in bed," he said, stashing the envelopes under his suit coat.

"I came to get a glass of water, I couldn't sleep," Lisbon answered. "Could I get you anything?"

Jane shook his head. "No, I'm good."

Lisbon's eyes landed on the heavy binder and her breath caught in her throat. She bit her lip, knowing that she'd need to explain it to him. Especially since she had obviously lied to him about losing track of him. She opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again, not sure where to begin.

Finally she sighed. "I think I better make some tea."

"Why did you let me go?" Jane asked, following her into the kitchen.

Lisbon lifted the kettle off of her stove and filled it with water. When it was back on the burner, she wrapped her arms around her waist as if to protect herself from the impending conversation.

"Lisbon, why'd you let me go?" Jane prodded gently as he came over to her and put his hands on her shoulders.

She sighed again, meeting his gaze almost defiantly. "I told you, I only wanted you to be happy."

Jane stepped away, stunned. "Who said anything about being happy?"

"You asked me to let you be happy, and I did!"

"_Why?"_ Jane persisted.

_Oh Jane,_ she thought. _All these years together, and you still can't see it? I let you go because I _love you_!_

She didn't voice her musings though. Instead she smiled at him, grasping at straws for some lame excuse, hoping that he'd see through her and hoping even harder that he wouldn't.

"I just wanted you to be happy," she finally whispered, praying for the strength not to get teary-eyed.

"I'm. . . sorry," Jane said.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about."

"I know that I upset you by leaving. I—"

"You weren't yourself, I know."

"You were the only one who believed that, weren't you?" Jane asked.

Lisbon was saved from answering him by the whistle of the tea kettle. She smiled at him sheepishly. "Can you believe that it's been 365 days and I still know how to make your tea exactly the way you like it?"

"I guess it's just like riding a bicycle," Jane answered lamely.

She shrugged. "Or maybe I just practiced a lot because I knew you'd come back one day."

Jane's shoulder's slumped wearily. "Did you ever think about stopping me?"

"For a minute or two, _yes_," Lisbon admitted almost reluctantly. "But I didn't want you to resent me for making you stay. Anyways, it made a lot more sense than it does today."

She handed Jane his tea and hid a yawn.

"You're tired."

Lisbon shook her head and took a sip of her own drink. "I can't sleep."

"Neither can I."

"But that's not unusual for you," Lisbon replied, taking another sip of her tea before dropping the unfinished cup into the sink. "Jane, come with me."

Jane hesitated for a second before he placed his cup on the counter and reached for her outstretched hand. She slid her fingers securely through his and pulled him out of the kitchen, through the living room, and to her bedroom.

"What—?" Jane let the question hang between them, unasked.

"I don't want you to be alone tonight," Lisbon answered, her voice had dropped so low that he had to strain to hear her every word.

There were so many implications to her statement. But Jane knew she didn't mean it in any other way than spending the night together as friends.

He swallowed past the lump in his throat and allowed her to pull him the rest of the way into her room. She helped him out of his vest, unbuttoned his sleeves and then waited patiently for him to toe off his shoes and climb into bed beside her.

It wasn't until her arms were wrapped securely around his waist and she sound asleep, breathing softly into his ear, that he realized how much she really cared about him.

The thought scared him half-to-death.

**TBC. . .**

**Author's Note:**

**Please take the time to review if you feel so inclined. I know I probably packed a ton into this chapter, and I know Jane's reaction isn't really what it's supposed to be (he's not getting angry with Lisbon like he should be, right?) Well, there's a reason he's not getting angry. . . aside from being WICKED confused. I'm not a review Natzi, and the story is already written. So, I won't force you to review. But I'd LOVE to hear you're feedback.**

**Until next time!  
><strong>

**Love,**

**Holly, 1/16/2012_**


	5. I Don't Believe You

**Shout-Outs: ****lolly2222, xJadeWEAPONx, Schroll91, krolinette, LizfromItaly, Loes-chan, Fangirlforeverithing, Kaoh, AngryLittlePrincess, kclarr892, & ShellGrad**

**Chapter 4**

_**I don't mind it, I still don't mind at all**_

_**It's like one of those bad dreams when you can't wake up**_

_**It looks like you've given up, you've had enough**_

_**But I want more**_

_**No I won't stop**_

_**Because I just know you'll come around**_

_**Right?**_

**I Don't Believe You, P!nk_**

When Lisbon woke up the next morning, Jane was gone. She slipped out of bed and went to see if he was still in the apartment. But he wasn't anywhere to be found, the only signs that he had been there at all were the tea cups full of cold tea and the binder on the couch with information on the 'fugue' him.

She sighed and dumped the tea out, putting the mugs in the dishwasher. Then she went to put the binder back on her bookshelf, halfway there she dropped it. When she bent down to pick it up, she realized the letters she had written to Jane while he was away had gone missing.

Lisbon's heart sank. She knew Jane must have seen them and then taken them. The contents of those letters were akin to journal entries, her deepest feelings for him were written on those sheets of college-lined notebook paper. She had said things that she would have never said to him face-to-face, unless he had said them first.

And now he was going to know exactly how she felt about him. Because she knew that he _would_ read the letters. Why wouldn't he? They _were_ addressed to him, so he did have some claim on them.

At least that's the argument he would make. And it could be a valid point, nobody really knew that she had never planned on actually giving them to him.

She pushed the binder back on the shelf in exasperation and went to make some coffee while she put a call into Cho. She wanted to make sure her that he hadn't seen Jane.

Lisbon cursed as she hung up the phone. Cho hadn't seen Jane since the afternoon before, when he and Rigsby had dropped his car off. She gulped down her coffee as she got ready for her day and tried to find something to eat for breakfast. While she ate an orange, she tried to call Jane on his cell phone, knowing it was one of the only things he hadn't changed over the year he had been away.

When he didn't pick up, she snapped her phone shut and decided to try him again on her way to work. When he didn't answer a second time, she left him a brief message asking him to come into the office to see her.

She didn't know what she'd accomplish in having him come into to talk. But she figured that she'd wing it when (and if) he showed up.

**.**

"Lisbon, there's somebody to see you in your office," Rigsby said with a cheeky grin.

Lisbon furrowed her eyebrows. "Who is it?"

"He told us not to tell you," Van Pelt answered. "But he did say to tell you that you'd be happy to see him."

Lisbon glanced at Cho, who just shrugged and buried his nose deeper in his novel; she rolled her eyes and started for her office. She tried not to be annoyed by her team's odd behavior as she pushed her office door open. She started when she saw Jane sitting on his usual spot on her couch.

"Jane, did you get my message?"

"No messages," Jane answered. "I've been here for hours."

Lisbon leaned against her door heavily. "Jane. . . about last night, I'm sorry—"

"Don't be!" Jane interjected.

She stared at him, dumbfounded. She couldn't understand why he wasn't angry at her, she had done so many things that could have counted as offence towards him. She opened her mouth to say something, but he had started to speak again.

"I decided to get my job back, Wainwright was more than happy to oblige. Although, he seemed to think that you had something to do with my coming back."

"I told you yesterday that he thought we needed to talk. . . that he ordered me to see you." She sighed and forced herself to walk towards her desk. "I never got around to telling him that we actually talked."

"I still don't have anything to say," Jane said quickly. "Not to you, not about Red John."

Lisbon gripped the edge of her desk, feeling slightly desperate. "You don't blame me. . . do you?"

"Blame _you_?" Jane laughed hollowly. "No, I don't blame you. I blame myself, I shouldn't have. . . well, maybe I do blame you a little bit. I don't know Lisbon, I haven't been thinking clearly these past few days. All of my memories are there, but everything feels like a jumbled mess. I don't feel like myself, not very much anyways."

He sank back down on the couch and buried his face in his hands. Lisbon took a deep breath and went over to him, reaching out tentively, she touched his shoulder.

"Jane, I _am_ sorry. I never meant to take Red John away from you. It was completely unintentional, I promise—"

She gasped silently as his arms went around her waist and he rested his forehead on her abdomen, taking deep, trembling breaths.

"It's not that either," he mumbled, jerking away from her with a sharp intake of breath.

"Jane?" Lisbon whispered. "Jane, what's wrong?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all! I need some tea, I'll see you later Lisbon."

Lisbon hesitated for a moment, tempted to follow him and force him to tell her what was bothering him. She was half-way out her office door when she decided against it. She had learned long ago that she couldn't push Jane, pushing him never got her anywhere.

"So, I'm assuming you still haven't talked to him yet," Wainwright said coming out of nowhere.

"No," Lisbon answered, avoiding his gaze. "He doesn't have anything to say. At least that's what he keeps telling me. "So, I'm requesting that we wait until he's ready to talk to me."

"You're defying my orders?"

"I'm asking you to _revoke_ your orders," she replied. "Sir, I've worked with Jane for a lot longer than you have. Trust me when I say that I know what I'm talking about."

Wainwright paused before sighing heavily. "Fine, but only because Jane's back at work. Just make sure that he's all there Agent Lisbon. We don't need another incident like we had with Van Pelt last year."

"Make sure he's all there," Lisbon muttered. "Easier said than done."

"Excuse me, did you say something?"

She faked a smile. "I'll try my best sir."

"Thank you Agent. You have a good morning."

Lisbon groaned and tried not to slam her office door shut. She didn't understand what was going on with Jane, and now she had to deal with Wainwright's not so subtle attempts to get her closer to Jane. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought he was one of the dozens of people who had money on them getting together.

She sighed wearily and prayed for a case as she sat down at her desk.

But no calls came for the rest of the day, and Jane didn't come back from his tea run. All Lisbon wanted to do was go home, crawl into bed, and maybe get lost in a sappy, melodramatic chick flick that had no basis in reality. She didn't want to think at all anymore, the confusion over what to do about Jane was laying over her like a heavy blanket.

**.**

At the last minute, Lisbon decided not to go home and opted to ask Van Pelt out to get drinks instead. She needed somebody to talk to, and the younger agent was a good listener.

By the time they'd gotten to the restaurant and had been seated, Lisbon wished that she'd just gone home. Not only had Van Pelt figured out what was bothering her, she'd proceeded to give her advice on the matter.

"I really think that you should tell him how you feel," Van Pelt said as she nibbled her Maraschino cherry. "Maybe it'll bait him into telling you everything that he's thinking."

Lisbon choked on her Shirley Temple. "Are you saying that I should use _my_ feelings as an ultimatum?"

"Not an ultimatum per say," Van Pelt replied. "Maybe it'll be more of an incentive."

"Jane isn't some silly high school girl who'll share all of innermost feelings with me because I said _I love you_," Lisbon said. "Besides, I _don't_ want to tell him. It's not the right time, or the right place."

"But he deserves to know!"

"He'll probably know sooner than you think," Lisbon mumbled into her straw.

Van Pelt's eyebrows knit together in confusion. Lisbon knew she was dying to know what she meant by that statement, but she didn't give the red-head an explanation.

"I'm hungry," Lisbon said suddenly. "Do you want something to eat?"

"I ate a late lunch," Van Pelt said apologetically. "But don't let that stop you, feel free to get dinner."

Lisbon hesitated before calling her waiter over to order a burger and fries. The conversation lagged while they waited for her meal. Van Pelt was still curious, and Lisbon was desperate to avoid answering questions that were potentially awkward for her.

If Van Pelt found out about the letters, she would probably come close to dying of embarrassment. This wasn't an easy feat for the leader of the Serious Crime's Unit.

She needed to keep the conversation neutral.

"Seen any good movies lately?" She blurted out.

Van Pelt's face lit up. "Actually, I just watched a couple of movies with my nieces!"

"The newest _Twilight _film?" Lisbon asked dryly.

"No, we watched two really cute movies called _Monte Carlo_ and _Tangled_."

Van Pelt launched into an explaining _Monte Carlo's_ plotline, and Lisbon found herself tuning the younger woman out. She didn't mean to do it, but she found herself thinking about Jane again. Once upon a time ago, she had been an expert on convincing herself that everything would be okay, especially where Jane was concerned.

But everything was so uncertain, she couldn't even c convince herself that she'd be okay. 

**TBC. . . **

**Author's Note:**

**I would have updated this sooner, but I was protesting SHOPA and PHIA yesterday, so I didn't go online for 24 hours. Hope you weren't waiting too impatiently for this chapter. **

**Anyways, you know the drill. I love feedback, so if you want to give it to me, feel free to. Just press box below and type your little hearts out. Oh! If anybody's interested, I put the link to my Livejournal account in my profile. I posted a link to the playlist I used while writing this story there, so if you want to take a listen, feel free to.**

**I won't be updating until Monday. It's my birthday on Sunday (I'll be 22 on the 22, isn't that rather cute?) And I'm celebrating Jisbon style tomorrow. Plus, I make it a rule not to go on the computer on Sunday, because it's the Lord's Day and all. I usually get on after the evening service, but "Downton Abbey" and "American Idol" are on that night, so I don't want to say I'll update then. **

**Until Next Time!**

**Love,**

**Holly, 1/20/1012_**


	6. Without You

**Shout-Outs: xJadeWEAPONx, Teresa Janes, MerriWyllow, Schroll91, TheLifeILive, Fangirl4everithing, Kaoh, AngryLittlePrincess, ShellGard, & Chymom. . . thanks for the reviews guys, and for the birthday wishes. I appreciated them all!  
><strong>

**Chapter 5**

_**I can't erase, so I'll take blame**_

_**But I can't accept that we're estranged without you**_

_**I can't quit now, this can't be right**_

_**I can't take one more sleepless night without you**_

_**I won't soar, I won't climb**_

_**If you're not here, I'm paralyzed**_

_**Without you**_

_**I can't look, I'm so blind**_

_**I lost my heart, I lost my mind**_

_**Without you**_

**Without You, Lea Michele_**

The letters were beckoning to him, begging to be read. He knew they were for him, all written by Lisbon (most likely during his absence). He picked the pile of envelopes up and yanked the elastic band off them, he ripped open the first envelope and fell against his pillows; trying to catch every word that she had penned for him.

It was a letter filled with details about they'd solved without him, even after they had all thought it was a case they were going to need him for.

The next letter was about a case that Rigsby, Cho, and Van Pelt had all solved by themselves using a lot of his techniques.

Jane was about to skip the third letter, thinking it was just another boring case one when the beginning phrases reached out and grabbed his attention.

_Dear Jane,_

_We didn't solve a case today. It kills me to know the murderer is somewhere out there, living freely. I wish you were here, you go against Wainwright's orders to add this case to the cold case files and we'd sneak around until the killer was caught. . . until justice was brought to the young girl who lost her life. Or maybe, we would have solved the case already._

_What I'm really trying to say is, I miss you and I wish that you'd come home soon. We need you Jane._

_Yours,_

_Lisbon _

Jane tucked the letter away, he felt the guilt squeezing at his stomach as he opened another letter. He wished he could have been there for her. He hated that he hadn't been able to help her, at the same time he had to work not to give into the resentment that was building up towards her. She'd only done as he requested, he was the one at fault for going so far away.

His eyes fell on Lisbon's handwriting, this letter was completely different from the first two. It was still filled with case details, but tone had changed. There were sentences crossed out multiple times, like she wanted to say something but didn't know how to.

It wasn't until the tenth letter that she started to write about herself along with the cases. It was only minimal details about how she was and the things she was doing with her spare time. By the thirteenth letter, case details and information about herself had completely disappeared.

In their places were phrases like _'Jane, I have a confession to make_', '_Maybe I should have said something before_', and '_I've loved you for so long now_'. Each of the letters following was filled with affirmations of love, longs, how much she missed him, and how she still thought about him often. From time-to-time, there were only lyrics from songs that made her think of him.

When he had read the last letter and placed it back in its envelope, he sat back to think over the things she had written him. He couldn't believe that after all their years together that he had never realized she loved him. All the signs had been there. The soulful looks, the lingering conversations, the way she had stood by him through the good times _and _the bad times.

He gathered the letters back up, wrapped the elastic band back around them, and stashed them in the nightstand next to the Gideon's Bible. Even though the letters were addressed to him, he felt like he had intruded on Lisbon's privacy somehow. She probably hadn't meant for him to see them.

Doing things like reading people's personal property had never really bothered him before. He wondered why it was any different this time around.

Unless. . .

No, it couldn't be. He wouldn't allow himself to entertain thoughts like that, so he pushed his musings way down in his mind.

**.**

Lisbon sat alone in her apartment, listening to the _Patsy Cline _CD her roommate had given to her in college. She had just suffered her first broken heart, and Callie had told her the country songstress would be exactly the cure she needed to start mending the heartache.

After listening to _Crazy_ on repeat for a whole semester, she knew Callie was right. Patsy had seen her through numerous heartaches, including when Sam Bosco had gone and married Mandee. Now she'd see her through another night of talking herself out of feelings for the wrong guy.

Because it was obvious that Jane didn't care.

She took a unladylike bite of ice cream and pulled the sheet of paper in front of her a little closer. She picked up a pen before changing her mind. There wasn't any need to write Jane letters anymore. He was back in California, and if she knew him as well as she thought she did, he had already written all her letters.

And she was dreading the fallout because of all the personal things she had written. She could only imagine his reaction to her heartfelt words, he would probably blame her for not being able to control her emotions. He probably wouldn't talk to her for a few days.

But it wasn't anything she couldn't handle.

**.**

"Agent Lisbon?" Wainwright poked his head out of his office. "Could we have a little chat please?"

Lisbon looked longingly towards her office and sighed. "Um, sure."

"I had an interesting conversation with Mr. Jane earlier this morning," he said when she was seated across from him.

"Mmh?" Lisbon folded her hands in her lap.

"Yes. It would seem that he's leaving again."

"Leaving?" She asked, feeling like she was completely frozen to the spot, even though she had seen it coming. "Did he say why?"

"No. So, I was wondering if he had mentioned anything to you? Is it about Red John?"

"I-I don't know, I haven't really spoken to him in a couple of days, not since you asked me to at least."

"Did you say _anything_ to him?" Wainwright pressed.

"Not directly," Lisbon replied absent-mindedly.

"Not directly? What's that supposed to mean!"

"Would you excuse me?" She asked. "I have some work to do."

"Oh! Sure!" Wainwright said. "Could you maybe speak to Jane again before he leaves? He's in the attic."

She didn't want to talk to Jane. She had no idea what to say to him, and she didn't have any idea how he would react to seeing her. So, she had no idea why she found herself agreeing to go and talk to him. She regretted it almost instantly, wishing once again that she could escape to her office instead.

**.**

"I was expecting you," Jane said as she slid the door open.

Lisbon smiled sheepishly. "Wainwright asked me to come and talk to you. The only thing is, I have no idea what to say."

"He probably wants you to make sure that I'm coming back."

"You _are_ coming back?"

"I'm not really going away," Jane answered. "I just need a little more time away from the CBI."

"Don't stay away too long," Lisbon said, the words falling from her lips before she could stop them.

"I have something for you," he replied, pulling the packet of letters from his jacket.

Lisbon took them and waited for him to say something about their contents, but he didn't. In fact, he was avoiding her gaze.

"Thank you for returning them," she whispered, not able to contain herself any longer, she stood on her tip-toes and planted a kiss as gentle as a butterfly's wing on his cheek. "Please, come back soon."

His cheek was burning as he watched her leave the attic, clutching her letters like as if her life depended on it. He closed his eyes and tried to figure out why he couldn't watch her walk away from him.

**.**

"Wainwright just told us the news," Van Pelt said as Lisbon passed her in the bullpen. "Is it really true that Jane's leaving _again_?"

Lisbon stopped, keeping her back to them so they wouldn't see the pain that she knew was written all over her face. "Yes. But he said that he'd be back soon."

"Will you be okay Boss?" Rigsby asked, the concern evident in his voice.

"Of course!" She answered, her voice catching slightly. "Why wouldn't I be okay?"

She didn't have to turn around to see the way her team was exchanging looks, communicating with their eyes that, maybe, she was just putting an act on for their benefit.

And they were right. It was all an act.

**TBC. . .**

**Author's Note:**

**Okay, so now we know what the letters say. And we had a "Pretty Woman" moment too. . . oooh. Tell me what you thought if you'd like. Really, I don't mind. Just press the little box and tell me whatever's on your mind. I love to hear it.**

**Until Next Time!**

**Love,**

**Holly, 1/23/1012_  
><strong>


	7. Real Love

**Shout-Outs: ****Teresa Janes, xJadeWEAPONx, chymom, reig, Fangirlforeverithing, Kaoh, LizFromItaly, TeresaLisbonCBI, ShellGrad, AngryLittlePrincess, & TheLifeILive, **

**Chapter 6**

_**From this moment on I know**_

_**Exactly where my life will go**_

_**Seems that all I really was doing was waiting for love**_

_**No need to be afraid**_

_**No need to be afraid**_

_**It's real love**_

_**Oh it's real love**_

**Real Love, Regina Spektor_**

Jane sat in his dark hotel room, a Jazz station played on the radio by his bed. He heard the music playing, but he wasn't really listening to it. He was trying to piece his thoughts together, and settle the stormy seas of his heart. For the second time in his life, he barely knew what he was doing. His thoughts weren't even his own, they were Lisbon's musings.

He leaned over to turn the lamp on and rummaged through his nightstand, in search of the journal he had stashed there earlier in the day. He was going to write everything he was thinking out and hope that it all made sense in the end. The words started to follow from him as soon as his pen touched the page. He wrote about everything from losing his memory to waking up in the blonde's bed, to his first instinct to call for Lisbon.

Finally he was finished.

He flipped back through the pages, treating it like the dot-to-dot puzzles he had used to help Charlotte with when they had colored together. All he had to do was start at the first page and connect all the dots to see the picture hidden underneath his tangled thoughts.

But first, he needed a good, strong cup of tea. A cup of his favorite brew would be exactly the thing to help him see clearly. He grabbed his car keys and tucked the journal under his arm so he could go to his favorite all-night café.

Once he was there, he sat in a secluded corner and read every single word that he had just written. He had his pen and was mentally connecting all the dots until he could see the picture clearly.

And what he saw was Teresa Lisbon.

Of course.

She was the root. Not of his problems, but his confusion. He knew he was supposed to be angry with her, that if it was two years before he _would_ have been furious with her. Instead he found himself dwelling on the fact that he could have lost her.

And it scared him. It scared him to know that he could have gotten all his memories back only to find out that the one thing in his life that made sense had been taken away from him.

He didn't hate Lisbon for taking Red John away from him. No, he hated himself for not being there to prevent Lisbon from being kidnapped in the first place.

Then there were her letters and her love for him. At first he couldn't believe that he hadn't been able to notice the signs that she was in love with him. But now he was even more surprised that he hadn't been able to realize the same feelings in _himself_.

He loved her. He didn't know when he had fallen for her, but he recognized the feeling now that it was staring him in the face.

It was just a matter of telling her how he felt (and getting over the incredibly foolish feeling of going back so soon, especially after he had made such a big deal out of leaving). But then again, it was Lisbon. He had lost track of all the times he had left (or threatened to leave) the CBI, and she had taken him back.

He glanced at his watch, it was too late to go and talk to her. She was probably sleeping, and he wanted her to be fully awake for the conversation they were going to have.

He yawned and decided to go back to his hotel to get some sleep himself.

**.**

"Jane!" Lisbon's eyes widened when she opened the door. "What. . . what are you doing here? I thought you needed some time—"

Jane shook his head as he took her in from head-to-toe. It was almost like he was seeing her for the first time.

"I took all the time I needed," he said. "I just realized I needed to look at things from the right prospective."

Lisbon tucked a damp strand of hair behind her ear. "So, you're coming back to work on Monday then?"

"If you'll have me," Jane answered, realizing as he spoke the words that they had a double-meaning.

Her mouth quirked into half-a-smile. "Of course I want you to come back, you know things aren't the same without you at the CBI."

Silence ensued at her last statement, and they both looked away from each other for a moment. Then she raised her ahead again, her smile widening a little bit as she motioned him into her apartment.

"I was just about to eat breakfast, and suddenly I don't want to be alone. Would you care to join me?"

"I'd like that," Jane answered. "I'd like that a lot."

As he followed her inside and she closed the door behind them, he allowed his hand to ghost across the small of back, hoping he could convey some of what he was feeling for her that way. He felt her shudder involuntarily under his touch, but she didn't pull away. Instead she leaned in closer, a small sigh escaping her lips. She stopped short in her living room and turned to look at him, her smile reaching her eyes.

A lesser-known artist covering a popular _John Lennon_ song was playing over her CD player, filling in the silence that he was longing to break. But she beat him to it.

"I meant every single word I wrote," she said quietly.

"What. . .?"

"Quit playing dumb Jane, we both know you read my letters."

"Lisbon, I am sorry I read those letters. You don't know how sorry I am—"

"Jane, _hush!_" Lisbon said, putting a finger to his lips. "Just. . . _hush!_"

"But if I did that, then I wouldn't be able to tell you that. . ." he lowered his voice to a whisper and pressed his forehead against her's, his breath tickling her face.

"_That?"_ Lisbon prompted, her voice barely a whisper.

"That I love you too," he said. He felt her smile and relax against him, her breath coming out in one long whoosh.

Jane kissed her then, letting his lips linger against her's for a few seconds before breaking away and holding her tightly in his arms.

He knew that falling in love wouldn't be the magic cure all, and that they had a lot of things to work through. But he also knew that they could do it, she hadn't failed him yet. And they had been through so much already; he knew that they'd be okay.

Besides, the hardest part was over.

**_The End_**

**Author's Note:**

**Well, that's the end of this story. I hope you enjoyed it and it wasn't too predictable. I'll be honest with you and say this was probably the hardest story I ever wrote. Half the time, I didn't even know what I was writing because my mind was consumed with other things. Like I said, it was a difficult end of the year.**

**If you enjoyed this chapter even a little bit, I hope you'll click the box below and tell me what you think. Even if you didn't like it, I still hope you'll tell me what you thought. I've been learning a lot because of constructive criticism that people have been giving me.**

**I'm out for now, I'm working on my next story "Cardinal Kinship", I barely have the first chapter written so it probably won't be ready until the end of February. But I will be posting one-shots all of next month, so hopefully you'll look into those.**

**Until Next Time!**

**Love,**

**Holly 1/25/12_**


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